


Mercenaries in Arcadia

by ArkhamKnight0194



Category: 3Below, Tales of Arcadia (Cartoons), Team Fortress 2, Trollhunters - Daniel Kraus & Guillermo del Toro
Genre: Alternate Universe, Character Death, Comedy, Funny, High School, Mann vs. Machine, Not Canon-Team Fortress 2, Not Canon-Trollhunters, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Spy is Scout's Dad, We are Mercenaries, aliens exist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-19 04:07:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20324845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArkhamKnight0194/pseuds/ArkhamKnight0194
Summary: A series of oneshots with the RED and BLU Team and the Tales of Arcadia Characters...





	1. The Calm Before the Storm

_ **The Calm Before the Storm** _

It was a nice snowing day out in Arcadia.  
The wind wad chilly and the blizzard came falling down fast.

Then there this giant moving object that was seen moving in the the middle of the blizzard.

The RED Heavy was the first to notice the giant moving object and knew wha  
t it was.He pulled out his walkie talkie.

_"This is Warhammer to Mini-Gun,come in,over..."_

Toby Domzalski,a friend of Jim Lake Jr. and a wielder of a troll weapon called the Warhammer.

"Warhammer,assemble team,and bring Alien Twins,over..."

_"Where to?"_

"Meet us at bridge.Over and out."

The RED Heavy then started walking into the blizzard and walked passed the RED Scout.

He nodded at him and The RED Scout stood up,holding his baseball bat and ball and followed the Heavy.

The RED Engineer,Soldier and Demoman were listening to the radio and dancing,they stopped after noticing the RED Heavy and Scout passing by.

"Grab some steel,boys.They're comin..."The Engineer said pumping up his shotgun.

The Soldier grabbed his rocket launcher and started loading the weapon with projectiles.

The Demoman grabbed his Stickybomb Launcher and the Eyelander and followed their compatriots.

_**\--Meanwhile--**_  
The BLU Team were watching Aliens From Mars,and the electricity went out.

Confused,the Spy looked around.

"Vat za hell?"

The doors opened which revealed the RED Team,The Trollhunters (Jim Lake Jr.,Claire Nuñez,Toby Domzalski,Blinky, AAARRRGGHHH!!!,Draal,Nomura,and Stricklander),and The Royal Akiridion Twins.

"Ah piss."

The RED Heavy pointed his shotgun at the BLU Spy,causing his cigarette to slip.

But in strange turn of events,the RED Heavy flipped over his shotgun and threw it at the BLU Soldier,catching it.

"Let's do this!"The BLU Scout said pumping up his Scattergun.

"Let's give 'em hell!"The BLU Soldier said pumping up the shotgun.

They followed the Team outside in the open and passed by The BLU Medic who was petted Archimedes and placed him on the table and grabbed his Syringe Gun.

They continued walking on the chilly air and stopped after arriving at the Arcadia Bridge.

"What are we here for again?"Krel Tarron asked.

"You'll see,my boy."The RED Spy said taking another cigarette from his Disguise Kit.

Nomura looked at the RED Heavy.

"If this has something to do with Gunmar,so be it."Nomura said grabbing her twin swords.

"Let us begin..."The RED Heavy said pulling out his Mini-Gun.

The Giant Moving object stopped near the bridge and is about to open the hatch.

"What is that?"Jim Lake Jr. whispered to Claire.

"No idea,but I don't think it's good..."She replied pulling out the Shadow Staff.

The Giant Moving Object opened it's hatch,and it revealed a battalion of robots.

They powered up and started shaking.

"By Deya's Grace,what are those?!"Blinky asked.

"Robots,that's what they are..."The BLU Engineer said pumping up his Shotgun.

The Robots looked at them and the Scout-Bots rushed at them.

_"Let's get them!"_

_"Eat my dust!"_

_"I'm gonna headbutt cha'!"_

The RED Spy sighed.

"Why is it always this time of year we get assignments like this?"He asked.

"I never expected humans can build robots!"Krel Tarron exclaimed.

"I always wanted to fight robots,well I got my wish..."Toby said pulling out his Warhammer.

The RED Spy looked at the BLU Engineer.

"Engineer?If you please,"The Spy said and the Engineer rushed,"Gentlemen!Let's** ***** those** ***** up!"

"Yeah!"The BLU Scout exclaimed.

"Varvatos Vex will crush them and take their heads as trophies!"Varvatos exclaimed making a Tarzan-like cry.

"Let's do this!"The Drunk RED Demoman said pulling out his Stickybomb Launcher.

The Robots started to rush at them.

The RED Heavy did a battle cry and the The RED Team,BLU Team,Trollhunters, and Akiridion Twins and their bodyguard charged on them.

The RED and BLU Engineer placed a toolbox on the bridge and hit it with their trustworthy wrench.

"Sentry goin' up!"They both said at the same time.

Toby crushed the robots with his warhammer along with his wingman,AAARRRGGHH!!!

"Way to go wingman!"Toby cried giving a thumbs up to the Krubera Troll.

"Wingman okay."AAARRRGGHH!!!! said.

Jim Lake Jr. and The RED Scout were attacking on the Medic-Bots.

"I broke your stupid crap,moron!"The RED Scout yelled reloading his Scattergun.

Jim Lake Jr. is swinging his sword at the Demoknights.

_"I'm gonna keep killin' ya and killin' ya and I'm never gonna stop killin' ya..."_

Claire opened a portal and kicked some of the Pyro-Bots inside.

"Man,how many are they?"Claire asked opening more portals and sending the Pyro-Bots to other dimensions.

The RED Sniper and Draal were attacking the Heavy-Bots.

"Piss off,you mongrels!"The RED Sniper cried shooting them with the Cleaner's Carbine.

"You fall without honor!"Draal cried punching the robots.

Blinky was being chased by the Pyro-Bots.

"Someone help me!"He cried for help.

The RED and BLU Demoman started shooting Stickybombs at the road and clanked their bottles.

A Giant Demoman slipped through the projectile.

"You appear to have trodden on a mine!"The RED Demoman cried and detonated the explosives.

"Imagine if I hadn't been drunk."The BLU Demoman said.

The BLU Sniper was sniping on one of the trees and shot down a Giant Heavy-Bot.

"Thanks for standing still,wanker!"He said.

He heard clanking noises and turn around to found a Spy-Bot who was about to backstab him.

_"Uh...howdy partner?"_

The RED Pyro burnt the Spy-Bot down.

"Appreciate it,mate."

Varvatos Vex and The BLU Heavy were destroying the Heavy-Bots and The Soldier-Bots.

"Run home to Mama!"The BLU Heavy taunted shooting down the Soldier-Bots.

"Hahahaha!Varvatos Vex is enjoying this!"Varvatos laughed punching the robots down.

Nomura and Stricklander were attacking the Medic-Bots.

"These machines are relentless!"Stricklander said taking another feather-like knife from his coat.

"They won't stay down!"Nomura said swinging her blades.

A large tank cam out of the Giant Tank rolling towards the team.

"Everyone!Shoot tank!"The BLU Heavy commanded and tried to shoot down the tank.

The RED Sniper then grabbed the Sydney Sleeper and pointing it at the tank.

"Let's have a go ya mug!"

He then shot down the tank,causing it to explode.

"Very good!"

The RED Soldier was cowering behind a van and pulled out his walkie-talkie.

"You will help me defend my post!"He cried.

_"NO!"_The BLU Soldier exclaimed,who was actually next to The RED Soldier.

Aja and Krel Tarron were taking the Sniper-Bots,who were armed with kukris.

"This is lively!"Aja cried in excitement.

"Not now,Aja!"

The RED and BLU Medic have been defending The RED and BLU Engineer,by raising the Projectile Shiled from their Mediguns.

"Y'all about to have a real bad day!"The BLU Engineer said pulling out the Wrangler and started shooting on the robots.

"Schell,go get zem!"The RED Medic cried.

The RED Engineer then pumped up his shotgun and started shooting down some of the robots.

"Let's kick their assess back to robot hell!"

While the RED Sniper was sniping,he saw a new type of robot on the Carrier Tank.

"INCOMING!!!!"He pointed.

They all looked at the direction the RED Sniper was poiniting at.

"Vat za hell is that?!"The BLU Spy asked,dropping his Dead Ringer.

The new robot,which looked like a Gumm-Gumm,charged on the Team.

The BLU Demoman charged on the Gumm-Gumm Bot with his Eyelander only to be kicked back.

"Demoman is flying!Is funny..."The RED Heavy said.

The Gumm-Gumm Bot roared at them.

The RED Soldier then ran away in fear.

"Baby!Run home to Mama!"The BLU Heavy yelled.

Stricklander and The RED Heavy tried shooting the robot down,but no avail.

"It seems that the robot is made out of titanium alloy!"Stricklander yelled,continuing throwing knives at it.

Then Sniper Huntsman started to shoot at the Overwhelmed Team.

"Nice shot."The RED Spy taunted.

_"Wanker!"_

The Robot Huntsman shoot arrows at the RED Spy,hitting him on the head and his chest.

"Spy is a goner!"

"Not big suprise!"The BLU Heavy taunted.

But the RED Spy showed up behind him and slapped him on the face.

"Idiot!"

"What do we do?What do we do?"Toby freaked out.

"A Gumm-Gumm Bot.Never seen that before,I think it's a prototype!"The RED Engineer said analyzing the Gumm-Gumm Bot.

"Okay,what do we do?"The BLU Scout asked pulling out his baseball bat.

A lightbulb appeared on the RED Spy's head.

"I have an idea!"

_**\--Meanwhile--**_  
The Gumm-Gumm Bot continued it's way throught town with a bomb with Sniper Huntsmen.

"Hey,lard-fat!"

The Gumm-Gumm Bot faced the RED Scout,with his baseball bat on his shoulder.

"You.Suck!"He taunted.

"Yeah,I dare you.Ragequit!"

The Gumm-Gumm Bot then ran on the RED Scout only to find out it was a trap.  
The Bot was surrounded by the RED and BLU Team's weaponry.

"FIRE!!!!"The RED Spy commanded and the entire team shot down the Gumm-Gumm Bot.

They continued firing,and firing,and firing.Until the RED Spy commanded them to stop.

The Gumm-Gumm Bot fell,destroyed into a thousand scraps.

"Howee!That was close!"The BLU Engineer sighed in relief.

Jim and Toby approached the fallen robot.

"Be careful,Master Jim!"Blinky reminded.

They continued and looked at it.

"Is it dead?"Toby asked.

The Gumm-Gumm Bot's arm almost grabbed the both of them until AAARRRGGHH!!! punched it down.

"Wingman okay?"AAARRRGGHHH!!! asked.

"Yeah,I'm okay."He said.

Then The RED Soldier appeared with a tank.

"Um...what did I miss?"He asked.

"Everything?"Krel Tarron said.

"Aww...but I was just getting started!Now I have return this thing to Area 49-B!"

The RED Soldier drove away with the tank.

"What do we do with it?"Draal asked.

"Hmm....interesting...I'll take a look into it!"The RED Engineer grabbed a cart and placed the Robot's Scraps in it.

"What now?"Aja asked.

"Meh,you guys wanna go get hot chocolate?"The RED Scout asked.

"Da!"**(Translation:Yes!)**

"Oh,yes!"Toby cried.

"Jawhol!"**(Translation:Yes sir!)**

"What is hot chocolate?"Aja asked.

"It's a beverage,you'll like it."Toby replied.

"And Sandvich for everyone!We have earned it!"The RED Heavy exclaimed.

They left the cold battlefiled and went back home.


	2. Fabulous Spook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The RED Team have one of the best holiday jobs ever, as Ghost Hunters. This job is their spookiest one yet, but they are too fabulous to die!

Halloween,the best night of the year.Kids go Trick-Or-Treating,play pranks,and scare the heck out of people.

But not for the RED Team,they're known as the Ghost Hunterz at some point. They do ghost hunting every year during Hallow's Eve.Which end as a prank because of teens.

_ **\--Location:Ghost Hunterz HQ (RED Team House)--** _

The RED Medic was staring at the landline phone and waited for a call from one of the Arcadian Citizens.

Then,the phone rang.The RED Medic grabbed the phone and answered. "Hello?"

_"Hello?Is this the Ghost Hunterz?"_

"Ja!Vat zeems to be ze problem?"

_"Ghost!At Trollmarket!"_

"Okay."The RED Medic put down the call and rushed immediately to the living room,where the RED Team waited for a call.

Spy drank a glass of whiskey,while Heavy was eating Sandvich.But then the RED Medic entered the room.

"Everyone!We have a ghost!"The RED Medic cried happily as the entire room shared a look and started to cheer.

They all grabbed their brown junpsuits and what seems to be a Proton Pack prototype,but for ghost hunting purposes only.

The RED Heavy grabbed the keys of the RED Mobile and drove immediately to the canal where Trollmarket was located.

The RED Team opened the doorway and enetered the Troll's Secret Homeworld.Only to find out everytroll has been panicking.

_"I've got a good feeling about this!" _

_ ***Horn Noises* ** _

_"...In groups of six." _

**"KILL ALL YOUR FRIENDS..." **

Soon,Jim,Toby,Blinky,and AAARRRGHH!!! approached the Ghost Hunterz,breathing heavily.

"By Deya's Grace,you're here!"Blinky exclaimed.

"So...where is this ghost you guys speak of?"The RED Engineer asked.

"It could be anywhere here in Trollmarket."Jim said. The RED Soldier grinned evilly.

"Hah!Let's make some pain boys!" They all rushed and left Jim,Toby,Blinky and AAARRRGGHH!!!

_ **\--- ** _

The RED Spy and Scout has been searching the Hero's Forge for any signs of the ghost.

"You guys see anything?"Scout asked through the walkie.

"Mph."(Translation:No)

The RED Scout sighed.

They continued and saw a ghost wearing a bowler hat and a glass with a nose and mustache.

_"Holy crap!It's you guys!Welcome to Hell!'"_The RED Scout and Spy shared a look.

"Ah crap." The RED Spy grabbed his Proton Blaster from his Proton Backpack and aimed at the ghost only to backfire at him.

" Merde."He sweared.

The RED Scout stared at the ghost.

"Um...this does not look good here..."

The ghost looked at him with a devilish grin and approached the cowering Ghost Hunter.

"Help!"

_ ** \--With the RED Heavy,Medic,Pyro-- ** _

The RED Heavy and The Medic has been searching every shops while Pyro were playing with some of the cats.

They heard Scout's petty scream.

"Huh.Vhat vas noise?"Heavy asked.

"Vait.Zat vas Scout!I zink ze ghost got him!" They looked at Pyro.

"Mmph,mmphmphmphmph."(Translation:Why don't you go get him?I'm just gonna play with these cats.)

They nodded and ran,but soon encountered the same ghost from earlier.

_"There he is,here's some free crap."_The ghost removed his bowler hat and grabbed a Sandvich and threw it,causing the RED Heavy to get separated with the Medic.

"Dummpkof."

The Heavy looked at the Sandvich.

"Hah!Sandvich!" He ate the Sandvich only to find another Sandvich in front of him,he tried to grab it,only to find out it was an infinite Sandvich.

**"NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" **

_ **\--With the RED Engineer,Sniper,Demoman--** _

The RED Engineer looked at the doors,they say A,B,and F.

The Engineer opened the F Door only to get a loud roar,he closed it.

"Heh." He opened the door multiple times and entered the room.

"Good news boys!Guess what...?YEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The RED Sniper tried knocking on the door.

"Engineer!You wanker!Come on!" "And thus begin he's thousand year reign of blood and yees."The Demoman said drinking from his bottle.

_ **\--With the RED Soldier-- ** _

The RED Soldier checked the Heartstone only to encounter a larger and more terrifying ghost. "Why don't you stay a while?Stay forever!" The RED Soldier hit it with his rocket launcher.He pulled out his walkie talkie and screamed. "EVERYONE,REGROUP!"

**\---- **

Every RED Team Member was there.Scout was cowering in fear,Spy was burnt,Heavy was depressed,Medic was fine,Pyro has them cats,Engineer has blood all over him,Sniper was okay,Demoman was drunk,and the Soldier is covered in the ghost's protoplasm.

"Men!These are the facts as I understand them!One:I am not afraid of no ghosts!Two:I am scared you maggots!Dismissed!"

They all shared a look.

"So,what now?"

"I whipped up a satellite earlier to scan the topography of the are,boys.And guess what?" The ghost appeared from behind.

_"So,trick or treat,eh?What are you guys supposed to be?"The ghost asked. _

"Hasta Gazpacho!"(Translation:Lead us to your leader!Maggot!)

_ **\--Later-- ** _

The BLU Medic was the real cause behind all this chaos.He has Bular's remains.

"I must have been in ze wrong profession.I must learn zhis magic!"He screamed like a luntaic.

The RED Team's jaws flung open.

_"Okay,let's go guys.I gotta close up hell!"_The Ghost left.

"Sadly,I have two minds about zis.Both are,pretty good vit it." The RED Team pulled out there Proton Blasters.

"MWAHAHAH!!!MORTIS ANIMATARIS!!!!!!" A bunch of skeleton hands appeared on the floor,preventing the RED Team from stopping the BLU Medic's operation.

"TODAY,I AM A GOD!!!" He evilly cackled until Bular's Remains disappeared in thin air.

**"WHAT?!?"**

The skeleton hands disappeared.

"WE DID IT!I mean,of course we did it."The Spy said.

_ **\--Outside of Trollmarket--** _

"We almost died of fright!"Soldier exclaimed.

"HAHAH!!!I experimented on my own head!HAHAHAH!!!"The BLU Medic cackled.

Jim and Toby appeared in front of them.

"Well that could have gone well."  
  
"So,how much do you guys want?"Toby asked.

"Nope.This is on the house,boys."  
  
They looked at each other.

"Come on boyz,we have more ghosts to catch!"  
  
They entered the RED Mobile and left the canal.

"Huh.Who knew?Our teachers are mercenaries,yet they do ghost hunting every year."Toby said.


	3. Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim Lake Jr. asks the RED Spy and BLU Spy an embarrassing favor:to teach him how to be nice with girls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A parody of Expiration Date :)

Jim has never been more happier.He's taking Claire out on a date,and that's in Saturday.So,Jim has no freakin' idea how to work with girls,so he knows one person who can help him:his teacher (who is also a mercenary) and his mercenary doppelgänger,The RED and BLU Spy.So,here goes nothing.

**RED and BLU Spy's Smoking Room (48 Hours 'Till Date)**

The RED and BLU Spy were smoking and reading Peer Gynt and Dapper Cadaver and drinking whiskey,their free time was interrupted by a knock in their door.

"Go away."BLU Spy said placing the glass on the table next to him.

Someone opened the door.

"Uh,Mister Lawrence?Are you busy?If this isn't a good time,then maybe I should come back later."

It was his favorite student,Jim Lake Jr.

"Ah,Mr.Lake,please come in."RED Spy said.

"Oh,thank you,Mr.Lawrence.I-I need your help."He stammered.

The RED Spy stood up,pulling out a cigarette from his Disguise Kit and lighting it.

"Make it quick before I lose my patience."

"Okay,so-uh-here's one thing:I asked Claire out on a date and um-here's the thing;I need help with how to cope with girls,so I thought of you as the only person who could teach me that."Jim replied his hands shaking.

He sighed,

"No."

He gasped.

"What?"

"You heard me,Mr.Lake.I said no.So see you in class on Monday.Goodbye."He replied putting more whiskey on his glass.

He improvised.

"Why won't you teach me?"

"Because I taught the Scout once,he was a whiner and a pain in my ass.So no,it's not gonna happen.End of Story.You may go now."

Jim sighed.

"Okay,just teach me and I'll do anything you ask."Jim hopelessly begged.The RED Spy looked at him.

"Anything?"

"Anything."Jim repeated.

The RED Spy evilly grinned and looked back at him.

"I'll help you,on one condition."

"Name it."

"You will have a French Speaking Test in front of the entire class.So,deal?"

Jim sighed in defeat.

"Deal."

They shook hands.

"So,when do we begin?"Jim asked.

"Right now."

**RED and BLU Team's GYM (41 Hours 'Till Date)**

The RED and BLU Spy prepared everything on a table;a rose,a box of chocolates,a bucket of chicken,and a bottle of sparkling water.It was time.

"Seduce me."

Jim looked nervously at his teacher.

"You?"

"Seduce me."The RED Spy repeated.

Now it was getting intense.

"What?Mr.Lawrence,I am not gonna--"  
  
**"SEDUCE ME!"**His shout echoed in the gym.

"Okay,okay,okay...Uh..."

Jim grabbed the rose and started acting like it was the day.

"Uh..Hey,Claire...Uh..Would you,uh,like to go out out on a--"

The RED Spy slapped Jim on the face.

"I am not like one of your Juliet woman!"

The BLU Spy grabbed the test doll.

"I am a lady.I like my men dangerous,mysterious.You want to be my Romeo?!Earn it!SEDUCE ME!"He exclaimed slapping him in the face with the doll's hand.

Jim looked at the RED and BLU Spy.It was going to be a long night....

**RED and BLU Team's Gym (6 Hours 'Till Date)**

"Final Question:You have a double date with a friend,what time will you arrive?"The BLU Spy asked.

"4 P.M,run background checks on the staff.Can the cook be trusted?If he's a changeling,I gotta knock him out and take him out later.Dispose of the Changeling in the pantry and I will do the cooking no later than 5:30."Jim answered.

The RED and BLU Spy looked at him in astonishment.

"Your ready."The RED Spy replied proudly.

"Really?"Jim asked excitedly.

"Of course,you are a better student than Scout.And you passed,"He said handing him a glass of orange soda,"Congratulations!You passed."

"Thank you!Oh,thank you,Mister Lawrence!"Jim exclaimed in happiness.

The RED Spy reminded him of the time.

"Oh,right.I won't let you down on Monday!"

He ran out of the Gym.

_**RED Spy:**_I can dim the lights and sing you songs full of sad things  
We can do the tango just for two  
I can serenade and gently play on your heart strings  
Be your Valentino just for you...

_**RED and BLU Team:**_Ooh love ooh lover boy  
What're you doin' tonight, hey boy?

_**Jim Lake Jr.:**_Set my alarm, turn on my charm  
That's because I'm a good old-fashioned lover boy.

**_Claire Nuñez:_**Ooh let me feel your heartbeat 

_**RED and BLU Team:**_(Grow faster, faster)

_**Jim Lake Jr.:**_Ooh ooh can you feel my love heat, ooh  
Come on and sit on my hot-seat of love  
And tell me how do you feel right after-all  
I'd like for you and I to go romancing  
Say the word, your wish is my command...

**_RED and BLU Team:_**Ooh love ooh lover boy  
What're you doin' tonight, hey boy?

_**Jim Lake Jr.:**_Write my letter  
Feel much better  
And use my fancy patter on the telephone...

_**Claire Nuñez:**_When I'm not with you  
I think of you always  
(I miss those long hot summer nights) I miss you  
When I'm not with you  
Think of me always  
Love you, love you...

_**RED and BLU Team:**_Hey boy where do you get it from  
Hey boy where did you go?

_**Jim Lake Jr.:**_I learned my passion in the good old fashioned school of lover boys....Dining at the Ritz, we'll meet at nine precisely  
(One two three four five six seven eight nine o' clock)  
I will pay the bill, you taste the wine  
Driving back in style, in my saloon will do quite nicely  
Just take me back to yours that will be fine (come on and get it)

_**RED and BLU Team:**_Ooh love, (there he goes again just like a good old-fashioned lover boy)  
Ooh lover boy  
What're you doin' tonight, hey boy?

Jim knocked on Claire's door.She opened the door.

"Hey Claire.Are you ready?"

"I am ready as long as you are ready."She smiled.

They held each other's hands and walked away.

_**Jim Lake Jr.:**_Everything's all right  
Just hold on tight  
That's because I'm a good old-fashioned fashioned lover boy..


End file.
